This is the January New Years post I never posted and now am posting.
My partner and I were talking about how in 2018 we laid down a lot of groundwork that will lead to new places in 2019. My going back to school, and the plans I have after, the promotion he’d been working so hard for, and things he wants to learn, us looking to finally get our own place after four years with housemates. There are so many general goals we’ve had but have not had the right factors, be it finances, time, environment, etc., and it finally feels like things will start to change
after thesis. We talk a lot about environment. How we haven’t had a stable and safe one as a couple yet. It seems fitting for me personally that these changes start to happen in the year of the boar.
Boars, in my unprofessional opinion, are very misunderstood animals. Often looked down on, and, technically an invasive species in most places–one of the most prevalent in the world (maybe second only to rats/mice), there’s something to be said about their hardiness and ability to thrive anywhere.
As a kid who wanted to be a zoologist up until AP Bio kicked my ass, I knew random facts about them, but I never really had much of an opinion about boars until a couple years ago when I learned that my Patronus is a wild boar.
Yeah, like Harry Potter.
A patronus is a guardian which acts as a shield…a positive force, a projection of the hope, happiness, the desire to live.
When I first learned the identity of mine, I was kind of…whelmed. Like, there are animals I definitely connect more with yet there are ones lower on the preference list. Boars were a solid ‘meh’ in the middle. When I told my brother my animal, he immediately said it made sense to him. That they’ve got grit and resilience. That they seem calm and friendly but when threatened become dangerous. That they toe that line, cute and scary. Thanks, bro. But actually. He shifted my perspective from, ‘oh, a hairy pig’ to a ‘HOLY SHIT, A WILD BOAR.’
I’m not implying that I myself am like a boar, so much as I wouldn’t mind being like one. In general, I don’t think Patronus are meant to be the animal equivalent of you, and more to compliment you, or at most represent one part of you (presumably happiness?). Like, I don’t think my Animagus form would be a boar. Though McGonnigal’s form and Patronus were both cats if I remember. Anyway, my Harry Potter musings are not the point here.
On another tangent, I do appreciate that I’ve always sort of had odder animals as ones closely affiliated with myself. I’m a scorpio, born in the year of the snake, and I love foxes, an animal that growing up, is more often portrayed as a villain or trickster. Weird animals are cool, is all I’m saying. #endRant
2019 scares me more than any year before because there’s so much that needs to get done and so much I don’t know about. So I need to channel that wild boar and just
destroy everything in my path do what I need to not survive, but thrive.
I’ve had this post typed out since January, as it was meant to be my New Years Resolutions post. But to be honest, I feel like I can’t really sit here like I try to do annually and list out goals for 2019 that I want to focus on when the first chunk of the year will be such a bust thanks to SVA.
So maybe I’ll take a rain-check until I am properly through Q1 and half of Q2. That’s so lame though! It’s even lamer to complain about self-inflicted higher education, but here we are. So in lieu of a typical list, here are a few off the cuff, less big-picture more it’s-the-little-things “goals” that are very boring but I am very excited about post-SVA:
- try to hit as many of my 30 Before 30 goals…before I turn 30…
- recently updated!
- actually use my KitchenAid mixer and cookbooks
- re-evaluate personal finances + create a plan w my partner
- clean up mail and email
- standardize harddrives/storage/backups
- start seeing a therapist
- …actually consistently exercise -__-
Looking forward to big moves and small necessities I’ve been putting off. Basically, I want a return to normalcy, not that I know what that is anymore? So then just establishing a normalcy, then. Something I never had a chance to do when stressed out from toxic environments. I think grittier people than me could have done it, but I’m finding that a lot of the inner strength I used to be proud of has quietly eeped away. Hence the need to summon a spectral boar spirit and blast all the bad away.