When Your Year Doesn’t Start

It’s only ten days into January and I’m already behind.

This year has already started out rough for me..saying goodbye to a dear friend who lives on the other side of the world, getting sick, and then this past weekend I was in a car accident. I’ve been out of work more days this year than I’ve been in work. Which, again, only 10 days in, so I know that statement is a little overdramatic. But I’m giving myself a pass considering the ACTUAL existential crisis I’ve been dealing with when contemplating my own mortality and replaying this weekend in my head, or thinking about it in regard to the bf, who was the driver at the time. I won’t go into specifics, other than it was pretty bad but we got pretty lucky. And that the other driver was drunk. 🙁

I think the weirdest thing about all of this is how life just moves on. And it’s not as if I haven’t experienced these thoughts or realizations before in other ways, at other pivotal moments. I don’t necessarily think this moment is pivotal either. I’m definitely not handling it well mentally, and I know that that will take much longer to heal than my body. One of my co-workers wisely said that being okay is the most important, and then the healing process. We’re almost ok in the ‘get better soon’ sense, but it won’t be a thing that just is over. I’ll think about it daily until one day I just don’t, and then it’ll only crop up once in a while. At least that’s what I hope. You can’t predict how you will handle these things. I think I’m attempting to, I think I’m determined to not let it do the thing, but by blogging about it aren’t I letting it? But, you can argue, acknowledging it will put it out there and now that it’s out there I can move past it. Let’s go with that, yes?

Now it’s the healing and all of the stress of the aftermath, as ungrateful as that sounds. But let’s be real, I’m a complex enough person to simultaneously be grateful for our safety and dreading/frustrated at all of the legalities we have to deal with now. Those feelings can exist at the same time. It’s going to be stressful, and we’re probably going to turn off our already (happily!) low-key social lives to pinch pennies even more.

That all being said, I’m still working out my logistics for the year! I still have posts I wanted to write about 2016, but now it seems too late. But I’m going to post them anyway, because they are just some fun posts about my favorite books and anime/TV shows I watched this year, and finally my 2017 resolutions…which…are still IP…

All in good time. I’ve got actual goals this year, and expectations for myself month-to-month, but I’m not so naive to ignore the self-care I need right right now.

Year-End Highlights 2016

At first, I was going to do a month-by-month highlight of the year, but that seemed a bit redundant considering that this year I started doing a literal monthly recap at the end of each month. Not implying, jokingly or otherwise, that you should go back and read those, as those really do tend to be more for me (as is this whole self-indulgent blog 🙂 ). I think instead I’ll just muse about some top things that I remember from the year.

That being said, this is focused solely on moi, and only on the highlights. There were lowlights of course, between larger global and national concerns, a loss in the family, and just other personal struggles. But I think that I’m slowly becoming a more resilient person.

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December 2016

Just your standard recap post. I’ll be doing at least one reflective post for the entire year soon enough, but this one is just for December. If you want to read on about my top 5 animated feature films of the year, you can check that out on my other animation-focussed website.

A bit uneventful, a bit of unnecessary stress (caused by yours truly), and a lot of the quieter moments I tend to favor. I think like everyone, I’m just eager for this year to end, which is a shame, especially considering that I’m not necessarily looking forward to 2017 either. It’s not that I’m not per se, but it just seems like every day there’s something new to worry about…situations globally, inaction (justified or otherwise) from governments and leaders, failure in general from governments and leaders, necessary evils, unnecessary evils, on top of all of the woes one experiences on a personal level.

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November 2016

Another month in this year over before I could even fully welcome and realize it, which makes me sad since I really like November. I’m a bit biased, as my birthday is at the start of the month, and it’s the start of the holiday season. The festive feeling is the only distraction there is from the biting, unrelenting coldness of a New England winter.

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The World Turned Upside Down

When in doubt, use a Hamilton lyric as your post’s title.  -Jen Hurler

I didn’t want to make a vague or click-baity title, nor did I want to make the reader have to guess what I was going to talk about. I don’t really think I did a good job, but what can you do? This post began as a rant that I was struggling with internally when my Twitter feed went from mostly harmless musings on animation to the not so great outlooks for many non white, straight, 1-percenter Americans. My feed has always been a likely polarizing mix of animation anecdotes and women’s rights and video games and social justice. These things are all a part of my life and affect me, they make up who I am. My career and financial well-being lies in animation. My mental and physical health relies on my being able to support myself, and I’m lucky to work at a company that makes movies and offers wonderful healthcare/benefits. I’m also lucky (most of the time) that the thing I work in full-time is also the thing that is my, for lack of a better word, hobby. So I some times feel very self-conscious and dare I say, hypocritical, when I change gears on my feed.

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