I don’t like New Years. I like the sentiment though. The goal setting is well-intended, but the timing doesn’t really make sense. There’s no flow to it. My birthday is my actual new year for me. Twenty-nine years since I was born. It’s easier to think about years in that way because it’s an anchor point that of course means a lot to me. It also helps that it’s near the start of the academic year (in the US at least) and that sense of timing has become so internalized from years of school that it feels more like the new year than January 1st ever has.
This year marks the final year of my 20s, and that’s fucking wild.
There are two big parts of this year for me. The first being SVA. And the second being my 30 before 30 list–the 30 goals I want to achieve before I turn 30 years old. It’ll pretty much be a 50/50 split in the year working from that first part and then trying to power through that list in the second half. Looking over my 30 before 30, I’m actually quite optimistic about it. When I made that list, I was pretty aware that I was on limited time. And while returning to SVA wasn’t expected, I think enough of the items on that list are within reach (if not already IP or done).
I’ve been struggling with 2018 thus far though…the adjustment to living back home, of me getting in my own head, a lack of routines and disposable income. Things that have become the norm for the last several years. I don’t do well with changes like that. I’m someone who needs concentrated effort to get back into habits after I’ve been on a vacation for a week and there’s a slight disruption. This is larger than a slight disruption, but I’m working through that.
It’s hard to think much about the future right now, because it still feels very uncertain to me. All I can do is take it a day at a time, but that’s a frustrating sentiment.
This month things have to change. October was a strange month for me; I need to get out of my head. It feels like I sort of just watched it zip by passively. Every week–every day–felt like I was drowning. Or rather, it felt like I was just barely keeping my head above the water and when I caught a break another wave would crash down on me.
But that feeling was largely my own fault. I know where my mistakes are, my weaknesses. I freeze up when it comes to art, or when it comes to having to commit to something that isn’t up to unreasonably high standards. That compounds when I know that nothing is going to be quite what I want because so much of it is things I am learning or doing for the first time.
And despite the odds, I still want to have a life outside of thesis. A teeny, tiny one. To stave off guilt at that (however misplaced or toxic that sounds), I need to be very specific with my schedule. If I’m going to justify doing NaNoWriMo this month, I need to schedule by the half hour, whether that’s having a gameplan to what I work on during my train-ride commute or scheduling in a break.
Things for this month:
- prep thesis work for the big mid-year presentation early next month
- pivot this site to more of a landing page
- NaNoWriMo–but on my own terms
- writing a screenplay rather than standard novel
- catch up on thesis vlog
- update and schedule more on Animation Complex
- can’t work on it as much as I want, but I can still write more
- try to get the word out about Animation Complex mailing list (which you can join 😉 )
- schedule in more health-related things to build routines back up
- i.e. meal prep, exercise, reading
Planning Gets in the Way of Doing
As someone who’s worked in management, and as someone who loves planning, I am very privy to how much time gets wasted in planning. But having gone through a dismal month of that in October, I know what I need in November. And that is a bit more structure.