When Your Year Doesn’t Start

It’s only ten days into January and I’m already behind.

This year has already started out rough for me..saying goodbye to a dear friend who lives on the other side of the world, getting sick, and then this past weekend I was in a car accident. I’ve been out of work more days this year than I’ve been in work. Which, again, only 10 days in, so I know that statement is a little overdramatic. But I’m giving myself a pass considering the ACTUAL existential crisis I’ve been dealing with when contemplating my own mortality and replaying this weekend in my head, or thinking about it in regard to the bf, who was the driver at the time. I won’t go into specifics, other than it was pretty bad but we got pretty lucky. And that the other driver was drunk. 🙁

I think the weirdest thing about all of this is how life just moves on. And it’s not as if I haven’t experienced these thoughts or realizations before in other ways, at other pivotal moments. I don’t necessarily think this moment is pivotal either. I’m definitely not handling it well mentally, and I know that that will take much longer to heal than my body. One of my co-workers wisely said that being okay is the most important, and then the healing process. We’re almost ok in the ‘get better soon’ sense, but it won’t be a thing that just is over. I’ll think about it daily until one day I just don’t, and then it’ll only crop up once in a while. At least that’s what I hope. You can’t predict how you will handle these things. I think I’m attempting to, I think I’m determined to not let it do the thing, but by blogging about it aren’t I letting it? But, you can argue, acknowledging it will put it out there and now that it’s out there I can move past it. Let’s go with that, yes?

Now it’s the healing and all of the stress of the aftermath, as ungrateful as that sounds. But let’s be real, I’m a complex enough person to simultaneously be grateful for our safety and dreading/frustrated at all of the legalities we have to deal with now. Those feelings can exist at the same time. It’s going to be stressful, and we’re probably going to turn off our already (happily!) low-key social lives to pinch pennies even more.

That all being said, I’m still working out my logistics for the year! I still have posts I wanted to write about 2016, but now it seems too late. But I’m going to post them anyway, because they are just some fun posts about my favorite books and anime/TV shows I watched this year, and finally my 2017 resolutions…which…are still IP…

All in good time. I’ve got actual goals this year, and expectations for myself month-to-month, but I’m not so naive to ignore the self-care I need right right now.

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