It pains me a little to write something as cliche as what this post is going to be, but I think starting off and being slightly disappointed in yourself is a good way to eventually overcome those feelings. Better to create something and it be something that you hate than create nothing at all. Honestly, I’m not big on New Years. For me, the passage of time isn’t necessarily something I’m keen to celebrate. January 1st is an arbitrary date, but because of the meanings we place on it, and the vacation time, it does provide an ideal chance to reflect and gather one’s bearings. There are truly so many things I want to do and learn.
For the longest time, I blamed 1) being in school and 2) living at home with my parents. Well, now, I am nearly done with school, and living by myself. Money is a little tight, but that actually isn’t too big of a factor right now. The biggest obstacle…is predictably…myself. My self doubt, my fear, my insufferable need to be a perfectionist even with things I have absolutely no experience with. It’s negatively affected my schoolwork, my creativity, my relationships with others, and, arguably my overall happiness and opinion of myself, especially for the past two years, which were pretty sub-par overall.
So one of the main goals for me is to reinstate some of my general daily routines and make sure they stay daily:
- proper 8 hours of sleep
- staying on top of dirty dishes and other chores/cleaning (and creating a schedule)
- drink more water
- use my standing desk at work
- use my medicine ball at my home computer
- use my apartment’s fitness room (or just be active in general) 20 minutes 3x per week
- read at least 15 books this year
There are some other goals I have, but they aren’t things with a particular end, nor are they things I want to necessarily consider “resolutions.” They’re just things I aim to get better at for quality of life, like communicating better and more consistently with friends, checking myself when the number of emails or browser tabs stacks up, and squirrel away money into savings each month.
Of course, there are also goals I sort of have to complete, such as my thesis film. It is due end of April 2016. I also really want to start a YouTube channel about animation. Perhaps a minimum of 12 this year? I know the earlier months of the year will yield no results, but ideally that would be one video per month? Some videos wouldn’t require as much research and prep time, so optimistically I could possibly squeeze more in, but 12 is a good start.) I’d like to be the person I want to be…to stop feeling like an imposter in my own skin, and having such a poor sense of self. I want to live unapologetically for myself.